Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
