You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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