shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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