there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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