She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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