Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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