Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
