if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
