Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
