She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
