i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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