A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
