so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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