Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Is it penis luge time yet?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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