I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
