so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
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There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
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She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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