i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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