I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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