I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
