"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
