The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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