did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
