Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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