We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
