We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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