so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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