If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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