I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
