i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
