Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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