im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
