Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
