____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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