No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
