hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
