I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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