No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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