btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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