if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
