new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
