So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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