This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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