I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
