you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
