Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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