Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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