The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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