he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Plan B is the new Plan A
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
