marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
