I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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