im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
