Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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