Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
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