Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
