Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
