you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
