It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
