the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
