I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it was like eating out sand paper
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
