I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
