You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
