3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
