Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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