I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
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Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
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My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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