there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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