clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There's always time for handjobs
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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