I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
