I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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