Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
