Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
