Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
