I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
