Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
