So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
