I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
