Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
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Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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