I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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