Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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