Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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