what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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