Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
